Book Review: If I Can’t Have You by Gregg Olsen, Rebecca Morris
Welcome, 2022! A new year calls for new things… like books! Books have long been my Christmas gift of choice (really, any special occasion). Whether new or used, any genre, I’m always ecstatic to be gifted with books.
My husband definitely took note of the long list of books I’ve been dying to get my hands on. He gifted me several true crime and suspense novels, along with a cozy blanket that reads “Coffee and True Crime.” Here we are, halfway into January, and I’ve already finished two of those books. One of them was If I Can’t Have You: Susan Powell, Her Mysterious Disappearance, and the Murder of Her Children by Gregg Olsen and Rebecca Morris.
Powerful and Heartbreaking True Crime
Olsen and Morris do a phenomenal job telling the powerful and heartbreaking true story of Susan Powell, a Utah mother and wife who mysteriously disappeared in December of 2009. The case became a national story, one I only truly investigated after reading this book.
If you’re unfamiliar with author Gregg Olsen and love true crime, I highly encourage you to check out his work. I first read If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood last year, and I loved the way he brought the story to life, almost as though I were experiencing it myself. Some other books of his I’ve read include If Loving You Is Wrong and A Killing in Amish Country (co-authored with Rebecca Morris), which I finished earlier this month. I’ve also recently started reading Bitch On Wheels and am already hooked. Up next on my bookshelf is Abandoned Prayers: An Incredible True Story of Murder, Obsession, and Amish Secrets.
*Alert: This blog contains spoilers
Overview of If I Can’t Have You
In If I Can’t Have You, the authors take us through the months leading up to Susan Powell’s disappearance and the years that followed, culminating in a tragic murder-suicide that shocked the nation. The book does an excellent job laying out each individual’s background, giving us insight into their personalities, upbringing, and struggles, which helps explain their actions and behaviors.
The Background: Josh and Susan Powell
Josh Powell, the man at the center of the mystery, came from a dysfunctional family. His father, Steven Powell, was an ex-Mormon with a deep disdain for the church. Steven also had a disturbing obsession with pornography, which he introduced to his children at a young age. This led to a strained family dynamic, and eventually, Steven and his wife Terrica divorced.
On the other hand, Susan Powell grew up in a loving, structured family with strong Mormon values. Her family dynamic was a stark contrast to Josh’s, and her upbringing is crucial to understanding the tensions in their marriage.
The Marriage: Tension Builds
Susan and Josh met in 2000 and married in April of 2001. They quickly moved to Utah to start a family. Unfortunately, Susan’s life with Josh was far from ideal. He was unable to hold down a job and struggled with self-sufficiency. Meanwhile, Susan worked full-time to support their family. Her marriage began to crumble as Josh became more controlling, while Susan documented her fears in a journal and notes.
By December 2009, Susan’s fear of her husband’s behavior led her to make one final, chilling decision: she left a note in a bank lockbox, fearing for her life in case something happened to her.
The Disappearance
On December 6, 2009, Susan Powell went missing. Josh claimed to have taken their two young boys camping that night, in freezing temperatures, but Susan was nowhere to be found. Police quickly began their investigation and uncovered disturbing evidence—Susan’s blood was found in the house, and her journal entries indicated that she was afraid for her safety.
The Murder-Suicide
In 2012, after a prolonged custody battle between Josh and Susan’s parents, Josh took a drastic, tragic step. He murdered his two sons in a house fire, then took his own life. The book follows the investigation, the search for answers, and the emotional toll on those left behind.
My Review and Rating
This book is a powerful, disturbing, and heartbreaking read. Olsen and Morris’s detailed narrative draws you in, leaving you wanting to understand why things unfolded the way they did. The authors’ thorough exploration of Josh Powell’s upbringing and the disturbing dynamics of his family shed light on his motivations, though they never fully explain why he chose such a tragic path.
The story is also a chilling reminder that domestic violence can take many forms—psychological, emotional, and physical—and that it’s often not as obvious as we think. Susan’s journal entries and the support of her family and friends were instrumental in showing how controlling Josh had become, and it’s evident that his behavior played a critical role in her tragic fate.
Despite the disturbing nature of the story, I found the resilience of Susan’s family, especially her parents, Chuck and Judy Cox, to be inspiring. Even in the face of unimaginable grief, they remained focused on seeking justice for Susan and protecting their grandchildren from the man who had destroyed their family.
I give this book a 5-star rating. Goodreads rates it 3.99/5, but for true crime lovers, it’s a must-read.
Have You Read If I Can’t Have You?
Have you read If I Can’t Have You: Susan Powell, Her Mysterious Disappearance, and the Murder of Her Children? Or do you know the story behind Susan Powell’s disappearance? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! What do you think happened to Susan, and how do you feel about the case?
Want More True Crime Recommendations?
If you enjoyed this review, be sure to check out my review of The Good Nurse by Charles Graeber, which tells the true story of an infamous New Jersey native whose crimes shocked the nation. It’s another must-read for true crime fans!
