Celebrating National Rainbow Baby Day

Celebrating National Rainbow Baby Day

*Updated 8/2022*

Today is National Rainbow Baby Day, a day when parents across the nation celebrate the love and beauty of their rainbow babies. If you don’t know, a rainbow baby is a baby born after the loss of a previous baby due to miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. The term is given because a rainbow follows after a storm, signifying hope and healing. Rainbow babies bring happiness and peace after a difficult time.\

On this day, three years ago, I was 32 weeks and 6 days pregnant with our rainbow baby. My pregnancy was incredibly smooth, minus the minor inconveniences like getting in and out of bed and doing things around the house.

Matt and I were over-the-moon excited and ready to meet Matthew. But, having gone through a miscarriage in November 2017, I feared it happening again. I also often wondered about that lost baby and what our life would be like today if I didn’t miscarry.

While I try not to think about the miscarriage, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was November 19, 2017. Matt had just left to go to the Giants game with his dad. I was home alone and in an instant, it happened. I had a completely natural miscarriage at 7 weeks pregnant. I sat on the bathroom floor. Alone. Crying uncontrollably.

Why? Why did this happen? Why me?

So many thoughts, feelings, and emotions hit me at once. I immediately called my doctor, then Matt, and then my mom. Writing about it now does bring back a little bit of that pain I felt that day.

Although miscarriages are relatively common and the majority happen in the first trimester, it doesn’t lessen the grief or heartache that follows after having one. Every pregnancy loss is incredibly heartbreaking and losing a baby is something that never really leaves you.

Talking About the Miscarriage Was Hard

It took some time for me to open up about the miscarriage. Only immediate family and close friends knew what happened. After I came to terms with the miscarriage and spoke openly about it, I learned that many women (family, friends, and coworkers) had miscarriages. I found much support and comfort in speaking with them.

It’s normal to feel sadness after a miscarriage. It’s scary. There is no “right” amount of time to grieve, either. Matt and I decided to take some time to ourselves to accept what happened and prepare ourselves emotionally and physically for when the time was right for us to try again. My doctor recommended we wait a few months before giving it another shot.

Because each miscarriage is different, it can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few months or longer for your body to recover. Some women get pregnant shortly after a miscarriage. It’s also perfectly normal for it to take up to a year to get pregnant again.

Pregnancy After Miscarriage

On February 6, 2019, I found out I was pregnant again. A whirl of emotions came over me. I was surprised, shocked, happy, excited, nervous, and scared. I stood in the bathroom crying. All I could think was, “Please, let this be for real.”

I immediately called my doctor and they scheduled me to come in on the 15th that month. They did an ultrasound and at 5.5 weeks we heard a heartbeat. It was the most relieving, beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

The First Trimester Was the Hardest

Most women don’t tell anyone about their pregnancy until after the first trimester since the chances of a miscarriage drop drastically. After what we had been through, we waited until the end of the first trimester to make an official announcement. We let our immediate family and very close friends know we were pregnant again.

The hardest part of the first trimester was waiting for it to be over. I wanted those 14 weeks to fly by. I was incredibly scared and nervous. I didn’t want to experience another miscarriage. Even though the chances of a miscarriage were small, I still feared it happening again.

What I Learned From My Pregnancy Loss

While our pregnancy journey was a little rough, I learned a lot from it. I learned that:

  • A miscarriage is defined as the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy.
  • Miscarriages are more common than most realize with as many as 1 in 4 known pregnancies ending in miscarriage.
  • The majority of miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities.
  • Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester, before the 12th week of pregnancy.
  • A stillbirth (Intrauterine Fetal Demise – IUDF) is the loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy.
  • An early stillbirth occurs between 20-27 weeks of gestation, a late stillbirth occurs between 28-36 weeks, and a term or complete stillbirth happens at 37 weeks or more.
  • While the stillbirth rate has declined over the tears, it’s estimated that almost 2 million babies are stillborn every year.
  • Stillbirths are the 5th leading cause of death worldwide.
  • Infertility is very common and approximately 1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy.
  • Speaking openly about pregnancy loss may help you cope.
  • A pregnancy loss at any stage can be devastating and the memory may never really leave you.
  • Through the support of my family and friends, I am never alone.
  • Most importantly, I learned that a beautiful rainbow can follow after a harsh storm.

What helpful suggestions would you provide someone who experienced pregnancy loss?

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